Have you ever played Tetris? Or a similar computer game that requires you to fit little “pills” together in a bottle as tightly as you can in a limited amount of time? For a while my husband had this game on his iPhone and became quite good at beating it. I, on the other hand, always seemed to fill up my pill bottle in the most random and ineffective of ways. Tetris is a game I always lose.
My approach to life, however, is very similar to the game philosophy behind Tetris. I fit the pieces of my life together as tightly and carefully as I can. For me, the point is not to fill the bottle. The point is not to make mistakes.
I realize this makes me sound uptight and unhappy, but the truth is that for the most part, I am very happy. I live a good life, and I feel like I have benefited in the last few years from learning to walk carefully and plan wisely.
The downside of my approach is obvious. When mistakes happen, as they invariably do, I have not left any room for error, and the little empire I have been working on seems to fall apart. I try to give others plenty of room to mistakes, but I have no grace for myself.
I haven’t learned how not to live like this, but I want to. I know that stress is a reflection of my level of trust in God, but I also don’t believe in using hope as a method for navigating through life.
How do you balance the practice of wise living with keeping a spirit of joy, trusting in God, and not trusting in yourself?