Keeping Score

Most of the time when I am writing a blog post or composing a Facebook or Twitter update, I am very aware of the tone of my words. My family reads this, and I never want them to worry about us. And my clients and colleaugues read this, too, so I strive to be professional, project a positive outlook, and still be authentic.

So. On Thursday I had a private conversation with a friend on Twitter that made me re-think this a little bit. I direct-messaged her my thoughts instead of posting a public reply. I was self-censoring, and I still think it was the right thing to do.

But. The last six weeks or so have been pretty stressful for us. This week in particular was really rough, to the point that on Thursday, when I woke up, I decided I would do anything to ensure that it was a good day. I had had a string of bad days, and I needed to turn the tide.

Here is where I stop self-censoring…

I decided that whatever it took, I was going to kick that day’s ass. And I did.

Then the next day, it kicked mine.

Throughout the day on Friday, I kept “score” of my “wins” and “losses” against the day. And everything that could go wrong, did. Even writing in my gratitude journal didn’t help.

Today as I was driving to meet Chris actoss town at his office, I found myself wondering, Does everyone have to try this hard just to have a good day?

Immediately I remembered this verse:

“This is the day the Lord hath made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

I needed to be reminded that the day is not my enemy, that there is good in it because God made it. There are so many things I can do – have a good attitude, be proactive, reach out to friends. But that is not enough.

I know now that this roller coaster, good-day-bad-day cycle can stop. Each day is not in my control, but neither is it out of control. Instead of constantly fighting with the day, with my to-do list, with trying to find rhythm in Mackenzie’s routine, I need to remember that all of it is His.