Life

Homeless Houseguests

June 21, 2011

Helping the homeless seems like such a pure and innocent idea. It seems easy. Chris has always had a heart for homeless ministry, and until this week, helping them has been easy. A dollar to a Contributor distributor, a meal snd a gift card for a couple on the corner, donated creative services to help promote a homeless ministry’s message.

Helping the homeless seems so easy. If someone you meet is living on the street, their needs seem obvious enough — food, shelter, clothes — and easy enough to solve.

Chris and I are learning that it is never that simple, not if you really get in the trenches with a homeless person and try to help.

On Thursday last week, I was driving to go to the grocery store and the consignment shop when a woman ran in front of my car, waving her arms for me to stop. My first thought was, “Is she crazy? What is she doing?” And then it occurred to me that something might be wrong, so I pulled over.

She told me she and her husband were trying to get across town to a treatment center that was closing in two hours. For some reason — I wish I could say it was the Holy Spirit, but I think it was just a foolish decision on my part — I decided to give them a ride.

Full disclosure: I had Mackenzie in the car. This is the part where you can say, “Dee, WHAT were you thinking?!?” Because I keep asking myself that, and I still don’t know.

The treatment center we went to was a methidone clinic for recovering meth addicts. It is kind of a scary place. Talk about having my world rocked.

After that I took them out to Chipotle because they hadn’t eaten and had no money. I learned that the night before, they had slept on concrete behind the Kroger grocery store a couple of miles from my home. I also learned that they were from Florida, had a son there, and had come to Nashville on the promise of a job in music that (of course) evaporated when they got here.

After lunch I dropped them off at Kroger where the woman just started working. Chris and I picked them up and took them to dinner that evening and offered to let them stay with us for a night.

This is where things get complicated. And less charitable. And I kick myself repeatedly.

They told Chris they planned on staying with us through Monday. I have no idea why he agreed, but he did set some important ground rules for our safety.

On Sunday they announced that it would be Thursday instead.

It is hard to know what to say or how to explain this next part. I think I feel taken advantage of… You could say that I’m just over it.

We have given them clothes, just about doubled our grocery budget, purchased toiletries, allowed them to use our phones and computers, allowed them to wash clothes, and cooked for them. I have driven them all over Nashville, taken them to treatment, and attended appointments with them. I’ve called so many agencies trying to find help for them.

We have not been thanked. Instead, they have been disruptive, secretive, repeatedly asked for money, and have not really carried their weight in regard to helping with dishes and things like that. Their attitude is one of entitlement.

Clearly, they have made a lot of mistakes and burned a lot of bridges. They need a second chance. We’ve tried to give that to them, but it’s not working.

Our plan was to set them up with an apartment, but all of the options we have found have an income requirement, and the man is not working. We have seen no progress with his job hunting.

Our second plan was to buy them bus tickets home to Florida, but I spoke to a relative there today, and they are not welcome. The family considers them a danger to their child.

I think it’s time to wrap this post and this journey up. The man is a slave to his addiction, and the woman is an enabler. We are taking them to the Rescue Mission tonight. It breaks my heart that this is ending this way, but we are at a loss as to what to do.

What I have learned from this experience is that homeless ministry is anything but easy. My respect has multiplied one hundred fold for those who work in the trenches of this kind of ministry every day. I truly don’t know how they do it.

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6 Comments

  • Reply Erin June 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I know that it probably doesn’t feel like it, but you did the right thing. Regardless of their hesistance to thank you properly or to do anything other than take advantage, YOU acted purely and that’s what matters.

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  • Reply keli @ kidnapped by suburbia June 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    you guys have such big hearts. God will bless you tenfold for what you did for these people.

    but … i am thankful you guys are taking them to the mission. helping is one thing … being taken advantage of is an entirely different thing. xo

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  • Reply Laura June 23, 2011 at 1:21 am

    i read some of your tweets regarding “homeless houseguests” but thought it was an inside joke that i was missing from being away from twitter for a while. wow! what a story! you guys did an amazing thing and i hope that someday that couple realizes what a blessing they’d been given by your hospitality and generosity, not to mention pure LOVE. what an incredible story you can share with Mackenzie, too, about loving people the way God loves us – ungrateful, ignorant and selfish. bless you both.

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  • Reply Laura June 23, 2011 at 1:21 am

    i read some of your tweets regarding “homeless houseguests” but thought it was an inside joke that i was missing from being away from twitter for a while. wow! what a story! you guys did an amazing thing and i hope someday that couple realizes what a blessing they’d been given by your hospitality and generosity, not to mention pure LOVE. what an incredible story you can share with Mackenzie, too, about loving people the way God loves us – ungrateful, ignorant and selfish as we are. bless you both.

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  • Reply J March 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Wow. If you’ve never had nothing, then you have no idea how hard it is to say thank you. Gratitude only emerges in a heart that knows what it is to HAVE SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL for. I admire like crazy what you did for this couple, and you’re on the right path, but if you can’t yet put yourself in the place of someone who was abused and deprived (often FROM THE WOMB) by a neglectful, hateful, rejecting parent, then you aren’t yet ready for ministry. Sometimes I think that the only thing that separated the greatest saints from the rest of us is their imagination — Mother Theresa’s gift was just that her capacity to put herself in the place of suffering others was so developed — it was such a gift — that she automatically knew what was needed, and was compelled by the depth of her understanding to act. That’s it, that’s all. She could understand their suffering. There are practices to develop compassion — that’s where you’re at. You seem to understand the need for and value of compassion, but it’s not really flowing from you yet, is it? Money, food, clothes, a ride to an appointment — these are good things but you still expect to be thanked. It’s likely that they haven’t occured to thank you, because they can sense that you’re coming from a place of entitlement yourself. They have no conception of what it means to be safe, loved, secure, appreciated, respected. The ONLY attitude to such people is compassion. If you had NOTHING, and you were hated by society just by virtue of not having possessions (in such a materialist culture) would you be able to be humble? When you’ve been shamed and humiliated your whole life, it’s not easy to be humble and grateful. These states of grace are reserved for people like you, whose material needs are mostly met, and who has been fortunate enough to have parents who taught you these virtues.

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    Dee Reply:

    Hi, J,

    Thanks for your comment. I wish you knew me a little bit before you posted this. Your response feels a little bit off base to me, because if you knew me, you would know that I do understand what it is to have nothing. However, your perspective and opinion are valid and worth discussion, so I decided to go ahead and approve the comment.

    Gratefulness comes from a heart rooted in knowing that everything — every little thing, down to the very breath we breathe — is a gift. It is not the fruit of having material possessions, and therefore having something something for which to be grateful. Gratefulness comes from a heart that knows that each day we are given is a gift and an opportunity to choose life and hope.

    As far as our homeless friends go, they were drug addicts who came from a great home with family members who loved them. Their family members kicked them out in the first place because of their lack of gratefulness. I think you have misunderstood that situation as well.

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